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I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry. BOOM..."I woke up in the morning as Kaitie..." The next few minutes were abrief recap leading up to, and including the incident of Sarah andStacy's siezure-like attacks - none of which happened according to them. "Ok, ready for a huge shocker?" Stacy asked, hesitantly. "Um..." Kaitie paused trying to read their faces to determine if thiswas for real or some big, practical joke. "I guess." None of that was real," Sarah said. "What?" "None of it," Beth said. "None? Not the slumber party? The other girls..." Kaitie was justirritated to no end that the names escaped her still. "There were moreof you, us... And you... we..." She cast a forlorn look for affirmation;from someone anyone; that these were not all just dreams. "None," Stacy reaffirmed. "I'm sorry Kaitie." She leaned over and huggedher. Somewhere deep inside Kaitie felt a special connection to Stacy,beyond the friendship/'object-of-my-crush' bracelet Kurt had worn - andthat Kaitie still wore now. "So?" Kaitie was at a complete.
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